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Pharmacy Links

AFTER CANCER: FEELINGS. READING THE OBITUARIES

March 12, 2009

What If I Feel Differently about Reading the Obituaries?

If you read the obituaries before your cancer diagnosis, reading them now is just the continuation of an old habit that satisfies certain needs for you. You may find the stories in the obituaries interesting. If you tend to check the age and cause of death, you are satisfying a somewhat morbid curiosity common to many people. It helps some to keep the perspective that life is short and not to be wasted.

If you never read the obituaries before your cancer diagnosis and now catch yourself reading them, it can be an uncomfortable, anxiety-provoking, and embarrassing self-revelation. Reading obituaries is a common behavior after cancer treatment, with many possible roots. Part of you wants to deny your recent brush with a life-threatening disease. To balance your denial and reach a realistic yet comfortable balance, you read the obituaries. This allows the other side of you to reassert that you are mortal and that many people do die of cancer. This process takes place on a subconscious level.

Seeing reports of others’ demise perhaps bolsters your sense of accomplishment when you are feeling low in other areas. “I survived. That is the important thing.” Or perhaps you still find it so hard to grasp the enormity of your cancer experience that you look to the obituaries for some sense of reality. This is similar to looking at the wreckage of a car after an accident, as if by looking at the crumpled metal you could understand the event.

Should I Avoid Reading the Obituaries?

Do not worry about it. Do not give yourself more anxiety by worrying about your behavior. You do not have to control everything. If you feel like reading obituaries, read them. If it bothers you to read them, turn the page. If you dwell on the obituaries and cannot stop thinking about death, get some professional help to sort out your fears and feelings.